Consideration

I consider myself to be somewhat domestic. Yes as a child, we had a maid that came every other week and when we were having something at the house, but other than that it was all me. Not only did I have to clean, but if I hadn’t learned to cook, I be as thin as those cute little African children. The only time my mother made her way into the kitchen was on Saturday mornings and if she was in the “mood.” So it’s safe to say I know my way around the kitchen.

HOWEVER, why in the hell have I almost burned down the preschool I work in nearly three times trying to operate a frigging stove or microwave. I’m sitting at my desk today and one of my co-workers, we’ll call her “Nails,” was like Sheree, what the hell is this. She holds up the eye to the stove that is now permanently stuck to a plastic container. You see, I had a frozen pizza for lunch today and didn’t quite clear off the stove before I turned it up to 450 degrees and left it on for about thirty minutes, you get the picture. I was like, oh crap. My worries, were not in the fact that I’d made a simple mistake, my worries lied in the fact that’s it’s not exactly the first time I’ve done something like this.

We’ve had a few more mishaps in the preschool kitchen. A few months back, mind you I was sick and feeling horrible, cooking another one of my beloved pizzas, I grabbed a tray from underneath the stove, you know where you’re supposed to store stuff that goes into the oven, placed my pizza on it and walked off. I began to smell something strange so I went and looked in the oven, and the damn tray had melted!!!! Luckily my pizza wasn’t messed up but there was liquidy gray stuff dripping off the racks onto the bright orange electric heaters. Of course, from time to time they’d spark because of the melting plastic and now the whole school smelled like a tire factory. So of course, that is the ongoing joke anytime someone jacks something. Everyone is like, “oh, well it’s not as bad as when Sheree almost set the place on fire” BITE ME

Did you think it was over, that that was all I’d done? You were wrong, there’s more. Sooooooooo, I really love hot chocolate, especially from Land O’ Lakes. So I was very excited when one of the parents brought them in for us. Well, nevertheless, I drink lots of tea and coffee so I have all kinds of travel mugs. So I picked one of them off of my desk, went into the kitchen, filled it with water, put it in the microwave and walked off. Damn, once again, the smell. So I beeline for the kitchen, turn on the fans and pretend nothing had ever happened. Unlucky for me, there is an opening in the kitchen that leads into another room, so the smell had traveled and people came a lurking to see what it was. I mean, this time it wasn’t as bad. Just the little plastic part on the bottom had melted and that’s where the smell came from. Did I mention the travel mug wasn’t plastic. Damn Damn Damn

So after all this, you can imagine my frustration. Everyone here thinks that I should be banned from the kitchen, I will however, not object to this notion. But not only that, they think I’m a complete idiot and are amazed that I live alone and have yet to be visited by the fire department. But I swear to you, that I am not as horrible as I may seem. These have all been careless actions that I attribute to the fact that I hate my job and just walk around doing whatever and as you can see I don’t pay too much attention to what’s going on. But you’ve got to admit, it’s kinda funny. And for the record nothing has ever happened like this to me at home.

THE EVIDENCE: