I LOVE being a Girl Scout

So I was riding in the car one day with one of my boys, okay it was Jorge, and he asked me a very interesting question, “Do you think your friends are sometimes jealous of you?” Damn...........

There is a reason why a majority of my friends are boys. I hate girls. They, well most of them, are so very much the opposite of me. I have been called an enigma, a hybrid, a straight out boy with really big boobs, whatever. It just seems that no matter what I do, I’m always doing something that get them {girls} mad at me. I’m not really comfortable around them, especially when I was younger. It just always seemed that I wanted to be doing the opposite of what they were doing. So while I’m on the basketball court playing with her crush, little Amy is desperately trying to get his attention that I’ve somehow stolen. Is there anything else to do at the park on a summer day?? Therefore, I never understood why I just had to be a Girl Scout. The only thing I liked were the Smores and that I got first dibs on the cookies {most of them never left my house. Can you believe we had an extra freezer the size of a normal fridge packed with thin mints year round}. But I can understand the concept behind them. You know to create unity amongst women, show girls at a young age about bonding, friendship, teamwork. Well it seems that unlike myself, none of my friends were “Girl Scouts.”

One of the funniest stories that I’ve ever heard in my life was how I almost broke up one of my best friend’s relationships. How did I do this you might ask? By playing a game of UNO. I say that with all the sarcasm I can muster up in my raspy voice. That’s right ladies and gentleman, UNO, a child’s game. See, the little crew I rolled with in college, well we were very simple folk and we were easily entertained by a good game of UNO and bottle of Boones Farm {it was college people, we were poor}. So as usual I made my way down the dusty corridor, up the stairs and onto the third floor where all of my girls resided. It was a typical weekend. Everybody was in “Bossy’s” room figuring out what we were going to be doing today. And as usual her boyfriend was in town, again. Well I guess Nashville wasn’t jumping off that weekend {Young Buck would not be filming his new video in the junkyard out back} so we decided to play UNO.

Now, we get very serious while playing UNO {like grown men playing dominoes}. Our main phrase was “There are no friends in UNO.” I’m sure you reading this thinking, I still don’t see how playing UNO almost broke up a relationship. Did you reveal a secret love affair while talking trash? No. Did you get so excited you laid a wet one on your girl’s man and now the two of you are happily ever after? No. Well, what happened? A few years later I’m sitting around talking to Bossy and she said something similar to what Jorge mentioned. “Everybody be mad at you Lee-lee, hate when she calls me that, over some boy and it don’t even be your fault, like that time they thought you was trying to get with my man” WHAT!!!!!!!!!!! “Come again.”


You see it seems as that while I was minding my own business playing UNO, two of my “friends” did not appreciate my attire. Is there a dress code for UNO or a girl’s dormitory mind you. I had on a pair of my old high school cheerleading shorts and bra tank. Now, for those of you that don’t know me, they call me jugs for a reason. And Bossy, well, I mean she got @$$ at least more than me. So those heifers pulled her into the inner bathroom and said, “Don’t think you should ask her to change?” Yal, they were dead serious. They really felt it inappropriate for me to have on a tank top and shorts in a raggedy dorm on a rather warm sunny afternoon all because there was a boy in the room. Did I mention that they didn’t really turn the air on in their room because it dripped liquid on the floor. I know we said there are no friends in UNO but damn! Bossy tried to compose herself, normally she would have squealed and giggled in her high pitched voice. However, today, seeing as though I was in the next room, Bossy quietly explained that she didn’t have a problem with what I had on. Seeing as though she had on something similar, it’s a girl dorm, and if her man is gone be trifling enough to stare me down, then she don’t need him no way. Plus, she’s knows I’m her girl and not trying to get with her man. Bossy said she never told me that before because to her it was the dumbest thing she’d ever heard. There was no point in adding fire to their flame and telling everybody their juvenile thoughts.

Now I am not the only one that has been victimized. I’m sure I’m not the only one that thought I can’t believe they thought I would do that, dang do they even like me?? Because honestly, friends aren’t supposed to think the worst of you. They should know better {funky b!&@#es}, you’re their girl you wouldn’t be low enough to do that, or would you? That’s my time for today, time to go back to pretending to work. Be easy and if you have a girl that has always been there, never questioned your loyalty and been a ride or die chick from day one, give her a hug and my number cuz I gotta get some new girlfriends!!!!!