Not enough Candles

In all of my twenty four and a half years, I have never been faced with this situation. I’d actually thought I had passed through that phase in my life where I had to deal with the B.S. You know; the kind of BS that comes out of nowhere and lands directly in your unsuspecting lap. Even if you get a slight warning sign, you brush it off as one of those weird random things that happens and nothing ever comes of is it. Nevertheless, the drama has indeed found me, the funk has hit the fan and I am obviously caught in the middle of a situation that really has nothing to do with me.

Most of the people that know me know I rarely answer the phone. Few people actually hear my voice on a regular basis when they call. Get off my back! This ain’t about me this time. With that being said, I very rarely answer numbers that are not programmed in my phone…. and of course, the private numbers pretty much don’t get answered. Last night, I went against my better judgment and answered one of those calls. THE ONLY REASON I did answer was because one of my phone-less friends has a tendency to call me from various private numbers... so thinking it was my homie, I answered the phone. To my disappointment, I received this jewel of a conversation.

Caller: There is something that you don’t know about
A confused LeslieLou: What?
Caller: There is something that you don’t know about
A still confused LeslieLou: Um ok
Caller: Whomp whomp whomp, There’s some shit going down. (Whatever she said, I think it rhymed, like she wrote it down before she called)
LeslieLou [still a bit flustered]: Oh ok, Thank you.
Click.

Who the hell, why the hell, what the hell. I completely brushed this off as some meaningless prank from someone bored who dialed a random number. I bet you’re thinking that was the end… Wrong. Two hours later, while I’m peacefully sleeping, the private number flashed across my screen (twice). This led me to turn my phone on silent. I still had no clue why someone would be calling me and thought well maybe she just got the wrong number (cuz I ain’t into nothing that would warrant someone calling me). Anyhoo, I woke up and notice that I had another late caller as well. It was my friend, Titan.

[SIDEBAR: Titan is a guy that I met a few weeks ago. And when I say we met, we met. I haven’t seen him since that fateful evening. Now, I mean we talk on the phone but since then our schedules have conflicted and he lives on the other side of town.]

"Why did he call me so late?” I wondered. I think nothing else of it and took my now tired and slightly peeved tail to work.As I’m sitting in the office at my desk, Titan calls me (at ten o’clock, like I don’t work a day job). Reluctantly, I answer it he’s like did you get my message. So I think he told me to listen to it, then call him when I can. So I go into the bathroom, because I am the receptionist and it looks bad for me to be on the cell phone at the front desk. So I listen to his cryptic message and call him back. He’s like, did somebody call you from and 817 number? I hang my head in shame, and say “No.” Did somebody call you from a private number, and I was like yeah. He sighed and was like, man. He goes on to say, “Well that’s my friend and she’s a really good person but she’s just my friend. I mean she used to be my girlfriend but not anymore.”
???!!!@@@@What$#@#@$#!!!!
But ladies, I did not get crunk, I couldn't. I was still so floored by the fact that the chick called me, I couldn’t even focus on what he was talking about. So he begins to say she must be checking his voicemail and that’s how she knows who I am. So he starts to talk about how could she be checking it. So basically he talks about that for five minutes then goes on to say that she gets like this about him talking to other girls and it’s not right for her to try and contact me, then asks me do I think he’s righ? I say yes, in a tone that suggests “Why are even asking me that stupid question, and secondly, why do I care.” I barely even know you and probably will learn nothing else about you. He also decides to add the point that she broke up with him anyways, so he really didn't see why she was tripping, however, she's a really good person. Who the hell, why the hell? Anyways, before we get off the phone he slides in the comment, well if she calls again just don’t pay her any attention and don’t talk to her.
Breathe, girl, Breathe.

Number one, I am grown and will do what I want. And as I remember, last year I blew out 24 candles on my birthday cake, not sixteen. I am too old to be arguing with some random girl over the phone about some random dude that can be replaced.

Secondly, let’s be a big girl. Why you calling me private. If that’s yo man, your wanna be man,whatever, call me and be a woman and say that my name is Boo boo the fool and say whatever it is you have to say.
Number three, Titan, HOLLA BACK!!!!!!!

So boys and girls, for the day, I’ve been reverted back to 1999. The days of being in high school and dealing with the B.S. The B.S. that should’ve ended then, maybe a few years down the line in college, but it should’ve ended way before today. But I still can’t stop shaking my head, not because of what even happened, but because I’M TOO OLD FOR THIS SH!T.I’m out.
PS
Is it me or is Titan's game a little off. I mean why would he call me and bring up some chick calling me, what kind of man brings that kind of unneccesary drama into their life. I mean if I hadn't put two and two together, leave the equation as is, INCOMPLETE. Titan step ya game up, your embarassing yourself. I'm done now, I promise. I just heard the third period bell ring, gotta go :)

Consideration

I consider myself to be somewhat domestic. Yes as a child, we had a maid that came every other week and when we were having something at the house, but other than that it was all me. Not only did I have to clean, but if I hadn’t learned to cook, I be as thin as those cute little African children. The only time my mother made her way into the kitchen was on Saturday mornings and if she was in the “mood.” So it’s safe to say I know my way around the kitchen.

HOWEVER, why in the hell have I almost burned down the preschool I work in nearly three times trying to operate a frigging stove or microwave. I’m sitting at my desk today and one of my co-workers, we’ll call her “Nails,” was like Sheree, what the hell is this. She holds up the eye to the stove that is now permanently stuck to a plastic container. You see, I had a frozen pizza for lunch today and didn’t quite clear off the stove before I turned it up to 450 degrees and left it on for about thirty minutes, you get the picture. I was like, oh crap. My worries, were not in the fact that I’d made a simple mistake, my worries lied in the fact that’s it’s not exactly the first time I’ve done something like this.

We’ve had a few more mishaps in the preschool kitchen. A few months back, mind you I was sick and feeling horrible, cooking another one of my beloved pizzas, I grabbed a tray from underneath the stove, you know where you’re supposed to store stuff that goes into the oven, placed my pizza on it and walked off. I began to smell something strange so I went and looked in the oven, and the damn tray had melted!!!! Luckily my pizza wasn’t messed up but there was liquidy gray stuff dripping off the racks onto the bright orange electric heaters. Of course, from time to time they’d spark because of the melting plastic and now the whole school smelled like a tire factory. So of course, that is the ongoing joke anytime someone jacks something. Everyone is like, “oh, well it’s not as bad as when Sheree almost set the place on fire” BITE ME

Did you think it was over, that that was all I’d done? You were wrong, there’s more. Sooooooooo, I really love hot chocolate, especially from Land O’ Lakes. So I was very excited when one of the parents brought them in for us. Well, nevertheless, I drink lots of tea and coffee so I have all kinds of travel mugs. So I picked one of them off of my desk, went into the kitchen, filled it with water, put it in the microwave and walked off. Damn, once again, the smell. So I beeline for the kitchen, turn on the fans and pretend nothing had ever happened. Unlucky for me, there is an opening in the kitchen that leads into another room, so the smell had traveled and people came a lurking to see what it was. I mean, this time it wasn’t as bad. Just the little plastic part on the bottom had melted and that’s where the smell came from. Did I mention the travel mug wasn’t plastic. Damn Damn Damn

So after all this, you can imagine my frustration. Everyone here thinks that I should be banned from the kitchen, I will however, not object to this notion. But not only that, they think I’m a complete idiot and are amazed that I live alone and have yet to be visited by the fire department. But I swear to you, that I am not as horrible as I may seem. These have all been careless actions that I attribute to the fact that I hate my job and just walk around doing whatever and as you can see I don’t pay too much attention to what’s going on. But you’ve got to admit, it’s kinda funny. And for the record nothing has ever happened like this to me at home.

THE EVIDENCE: