Dating for Dummies

So, as most of you all know, I’ve recently moved to the ATL Shawty, and I’m having a pretty good time down here. Been hanging out, going to the gym, a few parties, and oh yeah, a few dates. *sigh* So I am here to give yal the skinny on two of the dates I was on and want a little feedback on them. My boy told me I wasn’t being open-minded. Open-minded my ass……

I will have to start this little tale backwards. This is the second guy I met, but I went out with him first. NOW, of all the embarrassing stories to tell. As I stated before, I recently moved to Atlanta. Not only that, but I move in with my aunt and uncle, exactly. Needless to say, the cable was not connected in my room and I was just counting the days until DirecTV made it out to my house. Well, the day is finally here because I see a young black man walking up the front steps and his shirt says DirecTV, duh. I open the door and he walks in, prepare yourselves for the worst. The young man, whom we’ll dub the Cable Guy, hasn’t been in the house 30 seconds before my crazy ass uncle comes down the stairs and says, “oh hey, how you doing. Now, you’re a nice looking young man, have you met my niece?” You’ve got to be kidding me. Needless to say, it only got worse from there. He goes on to ask how old he is, tells the young man how old I am and that I’ve just moved down here, then makes some comment like, “oh, look yal about the same size.” What man wants to hear that he is the same size as another woman???? Anyhoo, thank God C.G. had to do some work outside and downstairs before he came to my room. HOWEVER, that didn’t stop my uncle from asking the Cable Guy all kinds of questions. Every two minutes he came in with some trivial fact about the young man. He was in the army, been to Iraq, is in school, is building a house, yadda this yadda that. Basically, he asked the Cable Guy his whole life story.

So by the time, he makes it to my room Cable Guy is as nervous as a hooker in church. It doesn’t help that my uncles comes in with this stupid grin. Do you know that fool almost hooked up the wrong TV, after I clearly pointed to and stated the one on top of the armoire {like my fancy words, I know. I went to college}. After five grueling minutes, awkward silence and me totally ignoring him, he finally left. Oh, but surely you don’t think he left the house. Oh no, my uncle sat down talked to the young man, said he’d help him find a job with the government cuz he was a Vet and all, made a lunch date and got his number?!?!?!?! So later on that evening, while my aunt and I are watching the news, the phone rings and we both are like, who the hell is this? You guessed it, it’s Cable Guy. So he asks for my uncle, who was out walking the dog, and my aunt says she’ll give him the message. Well, once my uncle is finished talking to C.G. he comes in the living room like “Telephone Leslielou” and my aunt starts cracking up.

So basically we have a real simple conversation and he says you don’t have to talk to me just because your uncle likes me, but I was just wondering if you’d like to go out to eat?? Of all the times to decide to be nice however, Leslielou does loves free food. During Atlanta football classic weekend? Boy please, holla at me next week, when I ain’t got nothing goin’ on.

THE DATE:

Now gentlemen, there are simple things that you should do before a lady comes over to the house. Make sure the place is tidy, there are no garments or belongings of another female in sight, and that your place is as fresh as a bed of rose. Meaning don’t let me halfway walk in your house and I already smell “the essence of herb”. Now if every time you talk to me, I’m huffing, passing and puffing, that’s different, but not that’s your way of greeting people at the door! Second, don’t blame it on your roommate, who isn’t home. *sigh* Second, when was it OK to start buying complete outfits again? I thought this was the era or separates and coordinates. I spent half our date squinting at his urban, over-sized button down trying to figure out what the hell it says. Ooooohhhh, Girbaud. Wait, Girbaud??? *sigh* Now when we left, he said, oh yeah, the place is right up the street. You a damn lie, it took us at least twenty minutes. I was tempted to tell him to stop by that McDonald’s and pick up a McValue fry???? Anyhoo, we arrive, we order, we eat. Nope, let me backtrack. I sent my order back {all of five minutes} because my pizza cheese wasn’t brown, and that’s when they tell you to take it out the oven, so that’s how I want it. Well, I look over at Cable Guy and he’s almost finished with his sandwhich {we went to Atlanta Bread Company it was about two o’clock}. So, I make a comment like, “Oh, you don’t have to wait for me to start eating.” He responds with, oh, was I supposed to wait? Of course my smart ass replies, “Apparently NOT!” tee hee hee. I’m ready to go home. Oh, the conversation at lunch, who the hell knows. Obviously I wasn’t too intrigued, cuz I don’t remember a simple thing that was said.

Well we get back to his place, and of course, I’m not trying to stay and chit chat, not like we needed to finish something that was said over lunch or anything. Thank the Lord I was meeting Brittastic at the gym in about an hour. However, something very interesting happened before I left his house. He turns on the television, now remember, he works for DirecTV, he has every channel. He immediately turns it to videos. So during commercial, flips through a few channels and finds Diary of a Mad Black Woman, yes! Of course this doesn’t last long, and it’s back to videos. Do you know that fool says he only watches Flavor of Love and music videos. When I ask him why doesn’t he listen to the radio or cd’s sometimes, he states he needs the visual. I don’t even want to go there, I just want outta here.

Now, was I tripping?? Just looking for a reason to put Cable Guy on the SPAM/Do Not Answer list? I’m not saying he’s a bad guy, just doesn’t seem like he’s the guy for me. And are the things he did all that bad, or was I just being picky? Let me know if I need to check him or check myself……

Stay tuned for date number two…………….