Dating for Dummies

So, as most of you all know, I’ve recently moved to the ATL Shawty, and I’m having a pretty good time down here. Been hanging out, going to the gym, a few parties, and oh yeah, a few dates. *sigh* So I am here to give yal the skinny on two of the dates I was on and want a little feedback on them. My boy told me I wasn’t being open-minded. Open-minded my ass……

I will have to start this little tale backwards. This is the second guy I met, but I went out with him first. NOW, of all the embarrassing stories to tell. As I stated before, I recently moved to Atlanta. Not only that, but I move in with my aunt and uncle, exactly. Needless to say, the cable was not connected in my room and I was just counting the days until DirecTV made it out to my house. Well, the day is finally here because I see a young black man walking up the front steps and his shirt says DirecTV, duh. I open the door and he walks in, prepare yourselves for the worst. The young man, whom we’ll dub the Cable Guy, hasn’t been in the house 30 seconds before my crazy ass uncle comes down the stairs and says, “oh hey, how you doing. Now, you’re a nice looking young man, have you met my niece?” You’ve got to be kidding me. Needless to say, it only got worse from there. He goes on to ask how old he is, tells the young man how old I am and that I’ve just moved down here, then makes some comment like, “oh, look yal about the same size.” What man wants to hear that he is the same size as another woman???? Anyhoo, thank God C.G. had to do some work outside and downstairs before he came to my room. HOWEVER, that didn’t stop my uncle from asking the Cable Guy all kinds of questions. Every two minutes he came in with some trivial fact about the young man. He was in the army, been to Iraq, is in school, is building a house, yadda this yadda that. Basically, he asked the Cable Guy his whole life story.

So by the time, he makes it to my room Cable Guy is as nervous as a hooker in church. It doesn’t help that my uncles comes in with this stupid grin. Do you know that fool almost hooked up the wrong TV, after I clearly pointed to and stated the one on top of the armoire {like my fancy words, I know. I went to college}. After five grueling minutes, awkward silence and me totally ignoring him, he finally left. Oh, but surely you don’t think he left the house. Oh no, my uncle sat down talked to the young man, said he’d help him find a job with the government cuz he was a Vet and all, made a lunch date and got his number?!?!?!?! So later on that evening, while my aunt and I are watching the news, the phone rings and we both are like, who the hell is this? You guessed it, it’s Cable Guy. So he asks for my uncle, who was out walking the dog, and my aunt says she’ll give him the message. Well, once my uncle is finished talking to C.G. he comes in the living room like “Telephone Leslielou” and my aunt starts cracking up.

So basically we have a real simple conversation and he says you don’t have to talk to me just because your uncle likes me, but I was just wondering if you’d like to go out to eat?? Of all the times to decide to be nice however, Leslielou does loves free food. During Atlanta football classic weekend? Boy please, holla at me next week, when I ain’t got nothing goin’ on.

THE DATE:

Now gentlemen, there are simple things that you should do before a lady comes over to the house. Make sure the place is tidy, there are no garments or belongings of another female in sight, and that your place is as fresh as a bed of rose. Meaning don’t let me halfway walk in your house and I already smell “the essence of herb”. Now if every time you talk to me, I’m huffing, passing and puffing, that’s different, but not that’s your way of greeting people at the door! Second, don’t blame it on your roommate, who isn’t home. *sigh* Second, when was it OK to start buying complete outfits again? I thought this was the era or separates and coordinates. I spent half our date squinting at his urban, over-sized button down trying to figure out what the hell it says. Ooooohhhh, Girbaud. Wait, Girbaud??? *sigh* Now when we left, he said, oh yeah, the place is right up the street. You a damn lie, it took us at least twenty minutes. I was tempted to tell him to stop by that McDonald’s and pick up a McValue fry???? Anyhoo, we arrive, we order, we eat. Nope, let me backtrack. I sent my order back {all of five minutes} because my pizza cheese wasn’t brown, and that’s when they tell you to take it out the oven, so that’s how I want it. Well, I look over at Cable Guy and he’s almost finished with his sandwhich {we went to Atlanta Bread Company it was about two o’clock}. So, I make a comment like, “Oh, you don’t have to wait for me to start eating.” He responds with, oh, was I supposed to wait? Of course my smart ass replies, “Apparently NOT!” tee hee hee. I’m ready to go home. Oh, the conversation at lunch, who the hell knows. Obviously I wasn’t too intrigued, cuz I don’t remember a simple thing that was said.

Well we get back to his place, and of course, I’m not trying to stay and chit chat, not like we needed to finish something that was said over lunch or anything. Thank the Lord I was meeting Brittastic at the gym in about an hour. However, something very interesting happened before I left his house. He turns on the television, now remember, he works for DirecTV, he has every channel. He immediately turns it to videos. So during commercial, flips through a few channels and finds Diary of a Mad Black Woman, yes! Of course this doesn’t last long, and it’s back to videos. Do you know that fool says he only watches Flavor of Love and music videos. When I ask him why doesn’t he listen to the radio or cd’s sometimes, he states he needs the visual. I don’t even want to go there, I just want outta here.

Now, was I tripping?? Just looking for a reason to put Cable Guy on the SPAM/Do Not Answer list? I’m not saying he’s a bad guy, just doesn’t seem like he’s the guy for me. And are the things he did all that bad, or was I just being picky? Let me know if I need to check him or check myself……

Stay tuned for date number two…………….

A Step Above the Rest

Yesterday I had the pleasure of wasting an hour’s time talking to my boss. There is nothing better than being at work not wanting to do anything and your boss is on the same page as you. So as we jump from topic to topic, being in a law office, we made our way to politics. Conversation was going rather well {my boss is a southern white man so I was just waiting for him to hail our President and the war} when it took an unexpected turn. “Oh, I haven’t voted for anybody in over twenty years.” I asked how can a lawyer not vote, aren’t you supposed to love the law and government, etc, etc. He stated that he has voted, he just was always voting against someone and not really for anyone. It seems as though he views politicians in a most unfavorable light. So I had to ask, “You didn’t like Clinton?” Wrong question.

“Clinton, oh let me tell you bout Clinton. It’s his fault my kids learned what oral sex was so early!! It was all over the TV and the newspapers and here’s my son coming up to me, ‘Daddy, what is oral sex?’”

We got into a little tiff about it. And then he said something that I thought was very interesting. “He’s the President, he should know better. He is a role model and has all the children and people of America looking at him to set an example and tone for the country. People in his position shouldn’t do things like that.” My response, “Do things like what, cheat on his wife. I know he’s the president, but at the end of the day, he’s still a man.” So on the ride home, while stuck in traffic, I had time to ponder upon this subject. Should we hold certain persons to higher standards because of the position(s) they are in??

President Clinton, Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant {we still beefing on this one honey}, President Kennedy, Jude Law have all been caught dipping in the cookie jar. Does that mean, we shall all move to another country, become Warriors fans {f-ck the Warriors}, or subject ourselves to Lifetime movies all because persons involved in these situations have been outted as sinners and adulterers.

Case in point. In recent news, my girl Britney, yeah I said it {I own cd’s, movies and concert DVD’s}, has been catching flack for a few minor mishaps that have occurred around her baby. There was the carseat thing, the almost dropped the baby thing, my baby daddy’s on crack thing, and the I’m having another baby with this crackhead thing. Now, my girl caught hell and at first glance all you can really do is shake your head. But let’s be serious, how did you really get that scar on the back of your head? Were you ever lost in a grocery store or were the last one picked up after soccer practice?? Recently, there was a young child in my car who was not in a car seat and decided while driving on the Dan Ryan that she would go on ahead and open auntie’s car door!!! {why does she even know how to open it?} at least we were on our way to church. And have you seen some of the baby’s daddy’s out there?? Nevermind, she did hit the bottom of the totem pole with that one. My point is, look around you. There are people you know, maybe even yourself, that have made similar mistakes. However, I guess since she’s a pop singer, she lives by another set of rules and the stupid things she does are to be viewed as mortal sins.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that they should be able to do whatever they want to do and show no concern that someone actually might be influenced by what they do. I’m sure someone out there is like they have a responsibility. Sure. People look up to the famous and well-known in many ways from their sense of fashion to their views of the world and how it should be. But just like some future governor is looking up to Kennedy, the little girl across the street is looking up to you. Don’t you make mistakes? If you make a mistake, should we post it in the tabloids {or hold a caucus about it over Christmas dinner? Next months PTA meeting, the daily news at work} Everyone has the responsibility to conduct themselves in the proper way. People that are on television, in movies, and on the courts are no different from us. We should not hold them to higher standards than we would our local mechanic or for that matter ourselves. Everyone should “know better.”

So what do you all think? Are we throwing stones and living in glass houses???

Disclaimer: This is a very one-sided argument. Being the President of a country does not directly relate to an extramarital affair, neither does being an actor or professional athlete. Being an actress, pop star, whatever, has nothing to do with being a mother. I am in no way condoning the actions of judges who take bribes, religious clergyman who exploit the youths in their church, or politicians who go to war for….., you get my drift.

Confessions of a Modern Day Heathen

This Sunday I decided to be the good little Christian and attend church. However, being the little deviant I am, I put on some jeans, tank top {not low cut at all} and some heals. I gave up on dressing up to church when I left my mamma’s house. Before walking out the door, I made sure to grab the notebook the church sells to take notes and put bulletins inside etc. I’d better have this handy because I ruined my Bible by leaving it in the car one day when it rained and the window was down. I hate going to church totally unprepared so this is my way for making up for it. Bibles are expensive. Well, it’s a really short drive. Just two lights, so I make it there in no time. As I turn in the Kroger, yes Kroger, parking lot, I turn down my Vivian Green cd. Has anyone ever made the mistake of pulling into the church parking lot bumping, "Put Yo' Hood Up?" Just me, moving on. No, Kroger is not hosting Sunday morning service. It’s located across the street and so I park there illegally because I don’t feel like taking the shuttle bus after church. What a way to start off your Sunday morning.

Shuttle bus. Yep that’s right shuttle bus. I go to a rather larger church. Actually the location I attend is the smaller of the two churches. The sanctuary still holds a few thousand people though. So I find my usual spot while scoping out the male ushers and get ready for the service. Church was great, but that’s not what this is about. And yes I scope out the ushers. This Sunday was really bad, whoever he was, he was a real cutie. What happened to old ladies with knee length skirts and button downs??

I remember when I was a little girl. For a while, my mother would drag us to every church outing, which I hated. There is nothing worse than getting dressed up{damn who ever invented skirts} to sit down and be bored for two hours. But I had no other options. The only part I semi-enjoyed, was to see what new and interesting thing this church would be into. Some you can’t wear pants to, women aren’t allowed to do things, some printed RULES in the bulletin, the list goes on. But the one thing I hate most about going to churches was the offering. Now, at my old church, we just passed the plate like we used to do. But you ever been to the church where you have to get up out your pew, walk to the front of the church and put your money in the basket? Which means that if you don’t plan on putting money in, you stay in your seat and so now everybody knows you don’t pay your tithes. It also meant my mother was able to see whether or not I put my money in. You know as a child you tried your best not to put your dollar in if you could, hoping your mother would at least give you change so you could hold on to a few pennies. That's two snickers or a whole handful from the candy lady.Well, I used to hate that. I looked at it as a form of punishment, a sly way for you to be embarrassed because you haven’t made your way up front in the past few weeks. Or even worse, the ones where they make everybody walk past the front and if you don’t have any money, everybody sees you just walk on by. Yeah that’s right, everybody that proudly dropped their white envelope is now looking at you in shame, praying for your lost soul.

Well, my church down here in the Ville is no better. As I stated before it is rather large, we call it Club Zion. Mainly because after church people post up like they do at the club. Well, there have been times meant to write about this earlier, that they would put the amount of money collected the week before and then flash the amount of money needed this week to meet our “building fund.” Now, I will say, unlike most churches we really did pay off our building and in a rather timely matter. However, I could barely contain myself when I saw numbers flashing and then the pastor getting up telling everyone to give an extra twenty dollars and somehow tying it to how Jesus will “see us through” if we do. Is he serious??? Oh my bad, I'm the only one asking this question.

Well, I guess an idea hit him because no more flashing numbers on the Jumbotrons. Nope ladies and gents, now EVERY week we read some tithing confession, where people hold up their tiny white envelopes and read in procession. To my amusement, I realized that only the people giving money were reading, therefore, us heathens remained silent. For a room full of people, it sure was quiet. Or was I the only one that noticed.

I’m going to hell with gasoline drawers on!!! Anybody got a dollar I can borrow, I always spend mine on the way to church at McDonald's :)

A Time to Let Go

As I was perusing through my boy Can’t Stop Won’t Stop’s myspace friends list, I came across a mutual friend of ours. So no doubt, I immediately sent him a message. Now it had been a while, so I guess I had to reintroduce myself in some ways, like “ you know remember, I met you and yadda yadda yadda” I’m assuming I did a good job cuz he hit me back with a WASSUP!!! Now I know a little bit about what’s going on with him thanks to Can’t Stop, but we went over the usuals. What are you up to, how’s it going, how many baby mamma’s/daddy’s you got, you know the normal sh!t. So eventually I knew he was going to ask that one question, “How’s your girl.” How many people thought I was gone say something about a boy? You see, Doo Wop, that’s what we’ll call my new/old buddy, used to date a friend of mine in college. Let’s just say he was able to shake the chick before I was.

Leslielou-I don’t really know cuz I hadn’t talked to her since we got out of school.

Doo Wop- why yal don’t talk no mo’…females I tell ya

Leslielou- ain't no cuz we girls, she's just not the kind of person I needed to be associated with that's all.

Doo Wop- and what kind of person is that?

Leslielou- It doesn't matter, I wish her the best ;)

Doo Wop- whoa sounds kinda harsh...did I hit a nerve? tight wad

Leslielou- not at all you didn't hit a nerve. I really do wish her the best. I mean I actually am one of the few people in our crew that don't just have whopper sized beef with her. I just don't have time for the drama is all.

Doo Wop- u aint go fill ya boi in on what went down...I aint go tell nobody, lol

Leslielou- Still haven’t responded to this…..

Now I thought I was handling the situation very well. I could have easily dragged this poor unsuspecting girl’s name through the mud. I mean she did get a little grimy and probably deserves it, but what good would that do. Also, that just really ain’t my style and technically I have no real problem seeing as though she never crossed the line with me. Except this one time, but that’s a blog for another day.

Anyhoo, it got me to thinking. He was really pressing the issue trying to get me to divulge some juicy secret, something to look back on and laugh at. I thought I had reached a point where the petty things that happened in college and high school were left where they happened, in the past. I don’t want to be at a reunion looking like:

LeslieLou- “Look at LaTisha, that funky b!tch, she used to keep me up way too long in the dorm blasting that radio all the time. And look at Jackie over there, I can tell she still a hoe. Can’t believe that heifer tried to get with my man.”

College buddy- “Didn’t they end up getting married and weren’t you cheating on him anyway.”

Leslielou- Huh???? {Completely fictional}

Let’s face it. We all did things in college or high school or for that matter in the past, that we regret or look back on like, damn, I can’t believe I did that shit. I don’t want anybody holding something petty over my head for all eternity. Now I’m not saying I’m going to jump up and down the next time I see her, but I won’t give her the evil for eye for something she did to the girl down the hall twenty years ago. I mean come on, how long are we supposed to hold on to some of these things. Now I’m not saying every person that has wronged me somewhere in the future will start off with a clean slate, but I think sometimes we have to look back on situations and realize that everyone makes mistakes, whether they mean to or not. Secondly, people evolve. I hope in ten years I’m not the exact same person doing the same bull I was doing in college and I hope when people see me ten years from now that’s not all they think of.

In regards to this topic, there is a girl that I always think about when I go home. I’m hoping one day to catch her, ya know just to reassure myself that she is still alive and doing well, which I’m hoping she is. When I initially got out of high school, I yearned for the chance to see her, so I could roll my eyes, say something I know would erk her, but now, not so much. I’d probably feel ashamed for the way I acted years ago and only hope that she was willing to forgive my mistakes, as I would be willing to forgive hers.

So, what do yal think about this? Do you think we should hold on to some of the things that have happened to us in the past? And is there anything that you just can’t seem to let go of?

Real Gurls Get Down on da Flo'

I’ve decided ladies and gentleman that I am going to take out a want ad. Now before you start thinking to yourself, dang is it that hard out there for a pimp?, do not be troubled I’m not taking out one for a man. Upon reviewing my weekly excursions, it has come to my attention that I need to find a group of girls who like to go out!!! This was made very clear to me by what happened when I went on Friday night.

This past Friday, was my girl Cornball’s birthday {Her name speaks for itsel}. So, a few weeks ago she sent out a message letting everyone know that she wanted to hang out for her birthday, which was perfect because it landed on a Friday. The initial plan was to have a sleepover, which eventually fell threw. However, we decided that we were going to go out and hit the club. Sounds fun right? I thought so until I realized that instead, most people just wanted to go out to dinner and obviously had better things to do because only three of us went out. Well, three people can kick it so we got ready and out we went.

Upon entering the club, we noticed that there weren’t as many people there as usual, but there was still a decent crowd and people were still coming in. We immediately made our way to the bar, then decided to scope out the scene. So we walked around for a few moments and found a nice location to post up, making ourselves readily available for any young brotha willing to step his game up.

I must interject this funny story:

Okay yal, the club we went to is really a scene for the older crowd. However, the twenty-something promoters sponsor this particular weekend. However, the middle aged (and I mean middle 40-55) still attend the event. There is one man who is still stuck in the seventies but likes to juke it out in 2006. He proudly wears his shoulder length jerry curl and plaid two piece outfits, while crip-walking and droppin’ it like it’s hot. Well, I made the mistake of pointing at him, in laughter, so I guess he thought that we found him interesting. So do you know this cock-blocking fool started to dance right in front of us. Then kept looking at us, smiling waiting for one of us to join him. So after a few minutes and prospects later, Cornball interjected with this snappy comment, “Do you plan on standing in front of us all night. We’re not going to dance with you!!!” I don’t’ know how I kept my laughter in…… End

So after Cornball went off, we decided to go out onto the outside patio. On our way, I noticed a very fine looking young man talking to one of my boys, YES!!!! So as my girls went and sat down I told them that I’d be right back cuz I was going to go speak. So of course, I glide over there not only to talk to him but see what’s up with his boy. So he introduces us and we start talking. Now a few moments have passed and I have yet to return. Hell I forgot them heifers was still alive, until he asked me “Where ya girls at?” “Oh they somewhere around here,” I said waving my hands in every direction. A few seconds later they came over and said they were going back inside to find some seats.

Do you know I was out there for about another twenty minutes. So finally, we decided that we’d go inside and try to find my them. In the meantime, my number one kick it buddy was in the place to be, Mr. Can’t stop won’t stop. So I was definitely in the mood to party. Well, I need glasses cuz I didn’t find them and was not in the mood to strain my retinas looking for them either. Another twenty minutes later I finally found them and went to the dancefloor with Cornball. Smiley, our other party goer, was still sitting down. Didn’t she pay to get in too, she’s not getting her monies worth. So after we danced, I decided to go back and look for my gentleman friend and his boys. Cornball followed suite. So as soon, as we get over to the bar where they were, she says she’s about to go sit down. SIT DOWN!!! I just don’t get it, we were in the perfect situation to pal around and meet some new people and this lonely heifer talking bout sitting down. I completely gave up on the situation and remained at the bar with the boys for the remainder of the evening. My new friend left before I did, so it was me and Can’t Stop until my girls decided to join us. Now them wenches want to party, hell we can go now!!

When we go out this tends to be what usually happens. Most times, I end up waiting for Can’t Stop and the rest of my crew{that consists totally of males, except for myself} to arrive so we can start doing our thang. But yal, I’m tired of that. I mean I love my boys to the death, but sometimes I wished I could turn them into girls for at least one weekend so I’m not always totally consumed with testosterone. Also, if I’m with some girls I won’t have to keep apologizing for my boys drunken behavior, they are truly a mess.
So here’s my Want Ad:

NEEDED:
24 yr. old female seeking group of young ladies, preferably between the ages of 24-29 who like to go out and have fun. When out, sitting down is only allowed for increments of ten minutes unless you are mingling with a person of the opposite sex or the DJ just ain’t playin’ your song {No couch potatoes!}.
UNACCEPTABLE EXCUSE for not going out:
1. MY HAIR AIN’T DONE {Gel and Weave}
2. I AIN’T GO NO MONEY {Blockbuster ain’t free}
3. I’VE BEEN WORKING HARD ALL WEEK {Ok, now it’s time to relax}
4. I DON’T LIKE THAT CLUB {Start being open-minded}
5. I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING TO WEAR {You must, because you don’t go out so I’m sure you’ve got something NOBODY has seen}
It is okay to use one of the aforementioned excuses at least once a month, but not every weekend, other than your birthday when you are more than willing to become a party animal.

Well there it is, probably needs a little tweeking, but I’m not a pro at these {maybe when I work my way to my third cat I’ll get better at them}!!! But yal get my drift. For those of you wondering where I got that picture{party}, that’s my boy “Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop” in the orange super crunk as usual. Hey Buttercup, Wub Yu

I LOVE being a Girl Scout

So I was riding in the car one day with one of my boys, okay it was Jorge, and he asked me a very interesting question, “Do you think your friends are sometimes jealous of you?” Damn...........

There is a reason why a majority of my friends are boys. I hate girls. They, well most of them, are so very much the opposite of me. I have been called an enigma, a hybrid, a straight out boy with really big boobs, whatever. It just seems that no matter what I do, I’m always doing something that get them {girls} mad at me. I’m not really comfortable around them, especially when I was younger. It just always seemed that I wanted to be doing the opposite of what they were doing. So while I’m on the basketball court playing with her crush, little Amy is desperately trying to get his attention that I’ve somehow stolen. Is there anything else to do at the park on a summer day?? Therefore, I never understood why I just had to be a Girl Scout. The only thing I liked were the Smores and that I got first dibs on the cookies {most of them never left my house. Can you believe we had an extra freezer the size of a normal fridge packed with thin mints year round}. But I can understand the concept behind them. You know to create unity amongst women, show girls at a young age about bonding, friendship, teamwork. Well it seems that unlike myself, none of my friends were “Girl Scouts.”

One of the funniest stories that I’ve ever heard in my life was how I almost broke up one of my best friend’s relationships. How did I do this you might ask? By playing a game of UNO. I say that with all the sarcasm I can muster up in my raspy voice. That’s right ladies and gentleman, UNO, a child’s game. See, the little crew I rolled with in college, well we were very simple folk and we were easily entertained by a good game of UNO and bottle of Boones Farm {it was college people, we were poor}. So as usual I made my way down the dusty corridor, up the stairs and onto the third floor where all of my girls resided. It was a typical weekend. Everybody was in “Bossy’s” room figuring out what we were going to be doing today. And as usual her boyfriend was in town, again. Well I guess Nashville wasn’t jumping off that weekend {Young Buck would not be filming his new video in the junkyard out back} so we decided to play UNO.

Now, we get very serious while playing UNO {like grown men playing dominoes}. Our main phrase was “There are no friends in UNO.” I’m sure you reading this thinking, I still don’t see how playing UNO almost broke up a relationship. Did you reveal a secret love affair while talking trash? No. Did you get so excited you laid a wet one on your girl’s man and now the two of you are happily ever after? No. Well, what happened? A few years later I’m sitting around talking to Bossy and she said something similar to what Jorge mentioned. “Everybody be mad at you Lee-lee, hate when she calls me that, over some boy and it don’t even be your fault, like that time they thought you was trying to get with my man” WHAT!!!!!!!!!!! “Come again.”


You see it seems as that while I was minding my own business playing UNO, two of my “friends” did not appreciate my attire. Is there a dress code for UNO or a girl’s dormitory mind you. I had on a pair of my old high school cheerleading shorts and bra tank. Now, for those of you that don’t know me, they call me jugs for a reason. And Bossy, well, I mean she got @$$ at least more than me. So those heifers pulled her into the inner bathroom and said, “Don’t think you should ask her to change?” Yal, they were dead serious. They really felt it inappropriate for me to have on a tank top and shorts in a raggedy dorm on a rather warm sunny afternoon all because there was a boy in the room. Did I mention that they didn’t really turn the air on in their room because it dripped liquid on the floor. I know we said there are no friends in UNO but damn! Bossy tried to compose herself, normally she would have squealed and giggled in her high pitched voice. However, today, seeing as though I was in the next room, Bossy quietly explained that she didn’t have a problem with what I had on. Seeing as though she had on something similar, it’s a girl dorm, and if her man is gone be trifling enough to stare me down, then she don’t need him no way. Plus, she’s knows I’m her girl and not trying to get with her man. Bossy said she never told me that before because to her it was the dumbest thing she’d ever heard. There was no point in adding fire to their flame and telling everybody their juvenile thoughts.

Now I am not the only one that has been victimized. I’m sure I’m not the only one that thought I can’t believe they thought I would do that, dang do they even like me?? Because honestly, friends aren’t supposed to think the worst of you. They should know better {funky b!&@#es}, you’re their girl you wouldn’t be low enough to do that, or would you? That’s my time for today, time to go back to pretending to work. Be easy and if you have a girl that has always been there, never questioned your loyalty and been a ride or die chick from day one, give her a hug and my number cuz I gotta get some new girlfriends!!!!!

School Daze: Meet the Professor

“Sometimes you got to use what you got, to get what you want” – Playas Club

School is game. I mean let’s face it. What did you really learn in school? How to lie, get over, appear to be doing one thing but actually be doing the total opposite. The whole purpose of school is to learn and you spent most of your time there pretending to do so. Well at least I did. Now I am not saying this because I feel that going to school is useless or that I didn’t get anything out of it. Shame on you Kanye, Shame on you. It is the exact opposite. To me, the purpose of school is to learn what you are supposed to learn while at the same time learning the tricks of the trade. The trade is life and the tricks are the aforementioned things I was doing while I was supposed to be constantly learning. So basically in school I did whatever it was that I needed to do to get what I needed to get.

So today I was checking my email and saw an email from one of my old professors[Acutally there are two]. Now if you’d like to know when I graduated, oh that would be 2003. Well geez, that was three years ago, what would your professor want with you now? My point exactly, although I have a few ideas. I hesitated opening the email, actually I haven’t looked at it yet, however, I can only imagine. Ya see, me and one of my fellow riff-raffs/blogger learned that you really didn’t have to do all your work especially, ESPECIALLY, if the teacher liked you[lesson learned in high school.] Now for our female teachers it was bringing them Starbucks or helping them do some tedious task like a bulletin board. But how do you win over your Chemistry teacher??? Well that’s very simple, V-necks and cheerleading skirts. It was a dirty game, but we were good at it. The giggles, the cheesy smiles, the after school visits to their office just to say hi. I got out of a few papers, could leave class at times for no real reason and basically have all the fun I wanted to. Now we weren’t whoring ourselves out to these men, just reaching out to the dirty old man inside of them. I mean what man doesn’t want his student to seduce him or appear to do so………

So this leads me back to the professor. Unlucky for him, he taught the worst courses for my major. The ones that no one liked, not even the over achievers. Doomed from the beginning and coupled with a mild demeanor, paying attention was extremely hard to do for all of his students. I did my best, I at least read most of the material, but I would fall asleep in class, that was if I showed up at all. But I always went to see him later on that day. Ya know, just to say hi and see what we talked about and how his day was going. He always shook his head when I walked in, but he enjoyed our little visits. He always grinned before he started scolding me. [For those of you with your mind in the gutter, yes there were other people in the office and no the door was never closed] We’d talk and he’d try and lay guilt on me for going to the library during class time but I’d just tell him that I focus better sometimes that way, but he knew I loved him. Why else would I be checking in with him if I didn’t, yours wasn’t the only classed I missed today.

So last fall during homecoming, I ran into him out at a bar. I was clearly intoxicated, CLEARLY. Four shots of tequila on an empty stomach in about twenty minutes. So here he comes out of nowhere, CLEARLY, intoxicated. We had what I thought was a usual exchange. Afterwards, Jorgemateo was like, was he hitting on you? My drunk ass replies, “was he?” But that was months ago, I’d for gotten all about it, until today.

Now I’m not saying that this man emailed me to proposition me or anything, but what in the hell does he want? [I could be totally off base and he might be inviting to me some alumni affair] Why did I cross his mind? Did the things I did in college give him some sort of impression? Why did I cross his mind and in what way would I cross it for him to email me OUT OF THE BLUE? But say for some reason I did and he was to ask me out or to get together with him, should I be offended? Should I feel like a slut, like I put myself in this situation? I was just trying to graduate and Senior Seminar was a requirement and a bitch!!!!!!!!!